Hi Everyone

 

By my calculations its been about nine months since I last wrote a blog – so much for being regular! 

 

So first of all I’m very sorry that I’ve neglected you.  If I were to explain why I would be here all day pouring out excuses but I don’t want to do that.  What I will say is that so far 2008 is not exactly turning out how I expected.  There have been disappointments and setbacks at every turn for Mike and I since February which has left us feeling confused and uncertain about what to do next. 

 

Its not all been doom and gloom, though.  Since January I've taken on some lovely new clients (welcome aboard the Success Train, guys!) and delivered a two-day Team Leadership Skills course to get me started in freelance soft skills training.  I've also discovered the joys of Emotional Freedom Therapy, having a personal stylist and met my gorgeous 9 month old niece from Australia, Layla. 

 

One particular setback was two weeks before our scheduled move to Gloucestershire on 24 May the whole plan fell through.  Various circumstances around the arrangements forced us to reconsider and we found ourselves having to do a U-turn.  This caused tears before bedtime and much running around like headless chickens for a couple of days.  The disappointment for me was huge as I felt I had invested so much time, effort, emotional energy and money into it, only to find I was back to square one.  Mike had to go back to his old job which wasn’t easy for him at first, although it turned out his managers and colleagues were thrilled they hadn’t lost one of their best team members after all and they’ve been very supportive.          

 

Being dedicated to the principles of self development and the law of attraction, we’re absolutely determined to reject the temptation to fall into anxiety and self-pity which leads to inaction or reaction to panic – both of which are negative and destructive approaches.   Instead, we’re looking for the learning and acting on new information, trusting that the universe is doing its work and providing for our higher good and creating a new vision and strategy to take us even closer to what we ultimately want.

 

So, I thought it would be a great idea to dedicate this edition to the subject of dealing with setbacks and how they can make you stronger and happier. 

 

Dealing with Setbacks and Developing Resilience

 

There’s a fabulous article in July 2008’s Psychologies called Learn Resilience.  In it, Anna Moore tells us that we should never see setbacks as failure.  Instead we should take the valuable lessons from them that make us stronger.  These may not always be easy to see initially but the key here, in my experience, is to remember that your mind has been so focussed on something that it does not always adjust instantly to the new circumstances, so some initial disappointment and anxiety is a normal and natural response.   What we must do is to relax and accept that the benefits will be revealed once we start to look for them.  After that, its just a case of shifting your perspective and considering new courses of action whilst recognising that there have been positive outcomes, even if you didn’t see the end result you wanted. 

 

The article explains how we can develop resilience and rise to challenges which in turn boost our confidence to deal more easily with the setbacks life inevitably brings.  This is something I help my clients with all the time.  Not dealing with setbacks positively can be crushing and lead to us giving up on our goals and dreams when in fact, the setback is just one more step towards our success.   “Failure” is just a word and a name for something we are trying to articulate – its not the thing itself.  We place our own meaning on things and we choose that meaning.  By getting perspective on things, not judging ourselves too harshly or taking things personally, by being realistic and challenging our own negativity, you do not allow the setback to take control – instead you control the setback and grow stronger.  

 

The article ends with a useful exercise designed to help us to discover our innate resilience and tap into it on a daily basis, bouncing back from setbacks with a “can do” attitude:

 

“ Explore the following questions and give examples for each.  In this way you will begin to see that your resilience is already present – it just needs acknowledging and reactivating. 

 

Identifying opportunities to develop resilience:

 

·         Do I see problems as opportunities?  

·         Can I cope when life gets touch? 

·         Can I be flexible in different situations?  

·         Do I make the most of what comes my way?  

·         Do I have things n my life that give it meaning?  

·         Do I have a warm and nurturing social support network? 

 

If you find you are unable to answer positively to any of these questions, do not despair.  Imagine instead what it would take to produce a positive response and then identify the steps required to get you to where you want to be.   So, for example, if you do not have a warm and nurturing social network, begin to invest in friendship by meeting new people and accepting any invitations that will broaden your friendship group.”

 

Another way of learning to deal with setbacks positively and develop your resilience to them so that you always come back stronger and even more enthusiastic than before is to clearly visualise what it would be like to have that resilience.  Do you know of someone who never seems to let life get them down even when things go wrong?   That person could be someone in your life or someone you imagine to be like that such as a character in a book, a celebrity or a complete figment of your imagination.  What would it be like to be that person?  Next time you have a setback and feel disappointment welling up ready to overpower your thoughts, what would that person do in your situation? 

 

This is something we can work on in coaching which gives amazing results in your life for very little effort.  Having a coach with you to keep you focused and on track is an incredible asset for rapid success as you will have someone who will hold you to your commitment to yourself, give honest and positive feedback on your efforts and results and take you forward to the next stage or your development. 

 

Do you have difficulty with setbacks?  Do you feel that you have had so many in your life that its not worth making plans for the future or dreaming of a wonderful new life?   Perhaps you would like me to work with you to overcome this and start to notice the benefits right away?  If so, read on because I have a special gift for you.

 

FREE Life Coaching

 

In terms of the life coaching practice, I have some lovely new clients on board and the buzz of seeing them grow and develop is spurring me on to bigger and better things.  What I want to do now is to offer you a free coaching session which could last anything from one to two hours.  This is more than just the usual initial free assessment session – we’re going to fly through that part and get straight down to work so that by the end of the session you will have created a clear vision of your dream life and taken the first steps towards making it a reality.  There’s no obligation or pressure to continue with coaching afterwards and I guarantee you will go away feeling so much more in control of your destiny, confident, motivated and excited.   Whatever it is that you want to achieve that you currently struggle with, I promise you will see the possibilities and options so much more vividly and start moving towards them. 

 

Why am I offering this to you now? 

• Firstly, I want to get as much practice at “laser” coaching as I can.  Laser coaching is a fantastic way for clients to get quick results for minimum investment.   It takes a lot of skill and focus on the part of the coach and I want to really get those skills as sharp as I possibly can, so in fact you’d be doing me a great favour by signing up. 
• Secondly, I hope to help as many people as possible to see the value in coaching and what it can achieve for them.  
• Thirdly, once you have seen just how powerful coaching can be, its incredible value in terms of what it can achieve for you, I hope you will come back for more or refer others to me.  
• Thirdly, I love coaching and can’t get enough of it!

 

As a thank you for helping me out with this I will put you into my referral scheme.   This means that for anyone you refer to me who becomes a paying client, you will receive 10% of their first course advance fees. 

 

Please remember also that 10% of all my life coaching fees go to Alzheimer Scotland.  

 

If you would like to take part please e-mail me at info@felicitaslifecoach.com. 

 

Some Interesting Personal News re Weight Loss

 

Can I just tell you about an interesting development in my weight loss goals I made recently?  

 

Most of you probably know the issues I have with my weight over the years and how I’ve tried almost everything under the sun.   Things came to a head recently after a bit of an accident (the old knee dislocating thing again, I’m afraid!) which has prompted me to request a referral to Mike’s knee surgeon, Mr Keating.  Consequently I absolutely must shed quite a lot as soon as possible to make surgery safe, should Mr Keating agree it’s the right course of action.  

 

I’d heard about Hoodia Gordonii and decided to give it a try.  Hoodia is a natural and safe appetite suppressant made from a cactus plant native to South Africa.  Its drug-free and easily available over the counter or on-line.  I’ve done quite a lot of research on this and found it has been through all the tests and proved effective with few, if any, contra-indications.   It has taken the US by storm having being endorsed by the likes of Oprah, and many people in the UK are finding it helpful in the battle of the bulge. 

 

I have to confess, I have only been taking Hoodia for about five days so its not really a good indication yet of things to come (or go, as the case may be!).  However, at the time of writing I’ve really noticed a huge difference and am finally getting lighter (I’m not telling by how much just yet, but watch this space!) without really trying or noticing any side effects.  I’m not on any kind of diet (we HATE the D word!) but am just eating normally with lots of fruit and veg, sensible portions of everything at mealtimes and keeping my alcohol intake down.  Between meal snacking and comfort eater have always been my two biggest enemies and now appear to be far less of a problem as I hardly think about food between meals.  Now THAT is a BIG step forward for me! 

 

If you would like to try it for yourself or are just interested in Hoodia please visit my on-line Healthwize shop by clicking here.  Healthwize currently have a three for two offer and product has a very high concentration of the active ingredients – far more than the version you can get at the health food shops – making it the best value I have found anywhere online or on the High Street. 

 

Oh, and beware because I once tried buying from a different website and discovered I hadn’t got the real thing so had wasted my money.  According to my research and personal experience Healthwize are a good, reputable company and so far I haven’t been able to find fault or any negative comments from other customers so I’m happy to recommend them.  If you know anything different please get in touch if you have any more information on Hoodia that I should know about. 

 

Thanks for Reading

 

Thank you for reading right to the end and I hope this has been inspirational to you.   If it has, I would be grateful if you would help spread the word by passing this onto your friends, family and colleagues so that they can sign up to the free newsletter by clicking here and just sending a blank message.  See, totally un-technical! 

 

Wishing you all the best of everything today and always.

 

Shelagh xx

Let’s face it, deciding you want to have life coaching and setting a date for your first session with your chosen coach is a big step and an important investment in yourself and your future.  You want to make sure you have value for money and get the most out of your time with your coach.  Your coach wants you to get every ounce of benefit from it too because their reason for becoming a life coach was to see you be the best you possibly can be.  So here are a few simple things you can do to ensure your investment pays off in a big way. 

             

 

BEFORE THE SESSION

 

1.       Make sure you keep a notebook and pen with you and your diary.  There will be ideas, exercises and action plans to go through and you want to make sure its all recorded clearly.  This not only helps you to remember your action plans in detail but in weeks to come you can look back through your notes and see how far you’ve come which is extremely motivating.  By keeping your diary with you you can check that your agreed actions are not clashing with important events that are coming up. 

 

2.       Give yourself ten minutes before the session for some quiet time.  Centre yourself using some deep, slow breaths and visualise yourself in a peaceful place.  Imagine all the good things that are going to come into your life over the coming hour.  Open your mind to new possibilities and strengths and you’ll be ready to receive them. 

 

3.       Make sure your environment is conducive to coaching.  You should be alone in a quiet, private room that’s comfortable to sit and write in and its important that you can speak freely so ensure that there’s no chance of you being overheard or distracted by things that need to be done or people who want your attention. 

 

4.       Make absolutely certain that you won’t be disturbed by family members or visitors for the next hour.  Ensure that everyone who needs to know is aware that you are not to be interrupted because this is your time and no-one else is invited.  If necessary discuss this with the other adults in your household and get their commitment that they will support you in this.  Your coach will be happy to discuss the best possible time for coaching, eg once the children are in bed.  Take the phone off the hook if necessary for 10 minutes before the session to ensure there are no phone calls or if there are any tell them you’re expecting an important call any minute and you’ll call back later.  If the doorbell rings at any point from now until the end of your session, ignore it. 

 

5.       To be sure you’ll be comfortable, keep a drink with you (NOT alcohol as this will impair your thinking) and go to the loo.  Ideally don’t eat during the session either because this is a major distraction.  Eat before the session if you need to.

 

6.       Spend a little time before the session reading back over your notes and think about any themes or issues you’d like to discuss with your coach.  Make sure you are ready to explain the outcomes of your action plans from previous sessions. 

 

 

DURING THE SESSION

 

1.       Don’t worry about any silences.  Sometimes silence is necessary for you to think clearly.  If you’re really stuck on something then tell your coach but your coach won’t be giving you any answers, just helping you to find the answers for yourself.  Repeat ten times after me: “Silence is OK!”

 

2.       Relax.  Tension and anxiety will create barriers to your confidence so make sure that if you are anxious or tense in any way, particularly if its anything to do with the coaching itself, tell your coach.  Try to stay as relaxed mentally, emotionally and physically as possible. 

 

3.       Be honest with your coach.  If there’s something you haven’t done, or if you don’t feel comfortable about something, or if there’s something you haven’t told your coach that’s relevant to your goals then tell them.   Coaching is a two-way process where both sides must be open and honest in order to achieve the best outcome. 

 

4.       Try to keep the world outside your mind and focus on your coaching.  Everything else can wait.  If there are problems we can focus on the solutions.

 

5.       Take notes as you go, especially of your action plans.

 

 

AFTER THE SESSION

 

1.       Transfer important notes from your action plans into your diary.  Make sure that you plan your action around your day to day life and nothing is clashing.  If it does, remember how important your coaching is when making a priority decision.  Think about how you are going to remind yourself of the actions you’re going to perform.

 

2.       If you are going to ask for someone’s support for an action plan then talk to them about it as soon as you can. 

 

3.       If possible, implement your action plans NOW.  The sooner you do it the less chance there is of you coming back next time having to make excuses to your coach which will NOT be appreciated.  Your coach’s time is precious also and they may consider cancelling your future sessions if they don’t believe you to be fully committed to yourself. 

 

4.       Finally, congratulate yourself on a great session and being yet another step closer to your ideal life. 

We (meaning “my husband and I”!) are currently in the process of de-junking our presidential (ha!!) two bedroom flat in West Calder in preparation for decorating and ultimately moving to a house somewhere.    

The thing about de-junking is that it allows you to get rid of old stuff to make way for new stuff.  You don’t realise just how much that dusty old pile of things that you never use, look at or even remember in some cases holds you back.  It takes up precious house-room that could be holding newer and even nicer stuff.  If you’re anything like me, this is a difficult process.  Its easy to acquire and accumulate more but its not so easy to get rid of it again especially if its got some sentimental value attached. 

I’ve not got a lot of “stuff”, at least I don’t think so but others may disagree!  I got rid of tons when I moved to Scotland for my new life with Mike leaving behind my house, my friends, my job and a lot of memories, both good and bad.  It was a brilliant opportunity to clear out a whole load of rubbish and realistically decide what would and wouldn’t be useful where I was going and even be a little bit ruthless on the sentimental stuff too. 

De-junking to make way for new stuff doesn’t just apply to the physical world, it applies to the mind too.  If you can get rid of the mental and emotional stuff that doesn’t serve any useful purpose such as negative beliefs, sad or painful memories and emotions like anger, hate or resentment, then you make way for new mental and emotional stuff that helps you to move on to new achievements and it makes way for new ideas which will help you to create new avenues of success and happiness.  I recommend filling the space you’ve cleared in your mind with positive beliefs about yourself and the world around you, focussing on the happy experiences and memories you create each day and doing your best to love everyone you meet so there’s no room left for anger, hate or resentment.  It stands to reason that the more positive energy you have in your life and the less negative energy you allow in, the happier you will be in every aspect of your life. 

When I chucked out the junk back then I also left behind a lot of mental and emotional baggage in that skip on the lawn along with the broken chairs and chipped ornaments.  There were bad experiences during my time there but I’d learned from them.  So I took the learning and left the pain behind by forgiving all concerned, including myself, and decided that the past was gone and wouldn’t hurt me any more. 

One example of this I’ll share with you was the incredibly sad memories of my mother’s long and painful illness during my time in Somerset.  These will never go away and I don’t really want to forget, but they are now consigned since that day to a secure place at the back of my mind to be recalled only if needed to spur me on in the campaign for others who suffered like she did and so help me to build a better world for the future.  The many joyful memories of her were placed in pride of place on the mantle piece of my mind so that when I remember her now its the happy times, her playful spirit, her endless kindness and compassion I think of first.  These positive images and feelings are now so strong that they obliterate the pain if ever the negative and sadness is allowed to resurface and I can deal with it easily.

So while I’m de-junking the flat I’m also thinking about the rest of the mind junk that I didn’t get rid of back then and even stuff I’ve accumulated since.  Its got me thinking just how much I’ve been loathe to get rid of and I was, frankly, shocked!  There’s much work to do.  There are people and situations in my past that still come back to clutter my space.  Hurts that never healed and continue to hold me back when I try to move on.  Sickness and injury.  Bereavements whether through death or someone I loved going away. 

But how do you do it?  Its easy to identify something to throw away if you can see it or feel it.  You decide its got to go then you put it in the bin never to be seen or thought of again.  How do you do that with a feeling, a memory or past hurt? 

Here’s how.  This is a technique I had used before but after attending the Christopher Howard seminar back in March I learned how to perfect it. 

First of all, get yourself in a lovely, calm relaxed state in a private place where you won’t be disturbed for at least the next twenty minutes or so.  If it helps to listen to soft music and light candles then do so.  Sit comfortably or lie down.  Take some deep, slow breaths and then working from your toes up your body, deliberately tense and then let go of your muscles until you reach the top of your head and just let your whole body relax into the bed, chair or floor. 

Bring to mind the person, place or experience that you want to “de-junk”.  It might be someone who hurt you, a time when you were very ill, an experience that haunts you from the past, maybe even something you did and feel guilty about.  Whatever it is you feel holds negative energy in your life. 

Keep feeling relaxed and don’t let any tension or negative emotions interfere with your state of peace.  Look down at the image in your mind from a detached position and a great distance from where it can’t hurt you. 

Increase your sense of relaxation by imagining a sense of love and peace flood through your body.  

Imagine the image before you is controllable, like when you watch TV, and turn up the volume, the colour, the brightness etc until you have  the image as clear as daylight in your mind.  As the image gets stronger imagine a cord or fine ribbon of energy is connecting you to the image.  Keep feeling that sense of love, peace and relaxation so every thought and feeling in your body is positive. 

When you’re ready, imagine looking up and seeing a huge steel blade (if blades hold bad memories for you then adapt this scenario to something you feel comfortable with) descending from the heavens in front of you coming down between you and the image.  As it falls it slices through the cord and the image drifts and fades away as the connection between you and it are cut. 

Maintain the relaxation and feelings of love and peace.  Sense that the person or situation is gone forever from your life and left in its place is the calmness you are feeling and the void is filled with energy, light and power. 

Slowly wake up and come back to the now.  Take a long, slow, energising stretch of your whole body and breathe deeply. 

This is a very simple but deceptively powerful technique.  One thing I used it for was to finally let people I had loved and lost go from my life, including my mother.  For about 5 years after she died until the day I let her go, I’d felt she was always at my shoulder concerned that I hadn’t got over losing her and wasn’t ready to accept what she’d been through and that she’d gone.  When the process was complete I cried buckets, but they were tears of sheer joy and release that I’d finally given her permission to go to where she now needed and wanted to be.  The dark emotions of grief, loss, anger at how the hospital treated her, fear at what she suffered were all gone and to this day have never returned.  How powerful is that? 

Its amazing how much mental and emotional rubbish we have lurking in the drawers and cupboards of our minds.  Dig a little deeper under the mental bed and up in the emotional attic or behind the furniture of the mind and it can be quite scary.  You just don’t know what you’re going to find and often those things stay there out of sight and out of mind until one day you can pretend no longer that they’re not there and they come running out at you demanding your attention.  I don’t like spiders so rarely go to the physical equivalents of these places in case I find one but when moving house I absolutely have to explore there and face my fear.  Our mental junk is like those lurking spiders.  They don’t actually harm you but its better that they are confronted in a safe environment and calmly shown the door. 

Right, so its onwards and upwards with the de-junking of the flat and my head so wish me luck with those real and imaginary spiders!!   All I need now is a binbag and one of those sucky-up things for the big fat hairy fellas. 

Shelagh XX

I started off writing a bit of a blog about weight loss and ended up with something that was far too long and have now turned it into my first article under the Health section called “Weight Management”. 

This is a pet subject of mine and although I’m not professionally qualified I feel that I’ve learned so much over the years about nutrition, diets and most recently about the way the mind works in relation to the body, that I at least have something to say on the subject.  And considering all the reams of rubbish you find in the diet books on the shelves at Waterstones and WH Smith these days that make millions for the authors who claim miracle cures for obesity all based on the same old formula: eat less and exercise more, I figured I might as well have my two-penneth for what its worth.  It can’t possibly be any less useful than some of the junk I’ve got lining my own bookshelves.   

The truth is that I’m far from an expert and having been a life-long member of the Yo-Yo Diet Club there’s a heck of a lot of damage to undo but at last I believe I’ve found the beginnings of the answer that I’m now putting into place.  It will take time though and I’m not known by my friends and family as the most patient person. 

Some of the radical revelations I’ve had lately have been through attending the Christopher Howard event back in March (next one for London is in September).  He uses advanced NLP and hypnotherapy techniques to achieve huge results in the lives of people who attend his seminars.  I learned some brilliant stuff I use every day now and had some pretty amazing “a-ha!!” moments during the course of the free three day weekend.  Now I’m able to select the knowledge I’ve picked up over the years that’s actually useful to me in terms of diet and exercise and apply the NLP techniques to actually achieve the goals I’m focussing on.

One thing I used to find was I was so busy focussing on the diet itself and the food I was eating that I forgot my actual goal which was to be fitter, healthier and slimmer.  I’d become obsessed by wanting to look different and convinced that by following this diet my life would change and I’d be happy.  Sadly, after God knows how many diets with varying degrees of short term success, even with what was apparently great success on occasions I was never really fully achieving my ultimate goal of being happy.  Now I’m doing it the other way around.  I’m starting off with the happy and focussing more on the fitness and health aspect and the slimming part should come as a bi-product. 

Actually it did occur to me recently that I should think like an athlete and model myself on athletes who I particularly admire.  I’m trying to get into their heads so that I can do what they do to succeed and I have to say it’s a very interesting process.  Aspects of their thinking that’s different to mine is their tenacity, determination, competitiveness and a total and uncompromising commitment to a clear and vivid vision of the end result which is winning a title or achieving a certain level of fitness.  Out of all those, the one thing I really need to work on right now more than anything is my competitiveness.  Maybe not having someone to compete with slows me down.  I don’t know, what do you think?  Feel free to add your comment to the blog. 

The funny thing is that my husband now plans to train as a personal trainer.  I figure we’ll make a great team – he’s a personal trainer for the body and I’m a personal trainer for the mind!!  Also, I’ve got no excuse any more.  I think he’ll be whipping me into shape as soon as the course starts.  Well, he has to practice on someone and, me being an absolute gym-phobe, it’ll be a great challenge for him as well as me. 

Keep the faith (and the biscuit tin locked)

Shelagh XX

 

When you think about it, what is the most constant, reliable and stable asset you have throughout your life?  You are!  You are the one resource that won’t let you down and the more you know, understand and are able to do, the more you can rely on your own inner resources.  It stands to reason then, that if you have a resource that’s only ever going to grow and develop and has your best interests at the core of its very existence, its worth investing in.  So, self-investment is never ever wasted. 

You probably think that having a manicure, buying a new outfit, going on an expensive holiday are all great ways to invest in yourself, and they are.  However, stuff like that is fleeting.  You’ll feel invigorated and wonderful for a finite period of time.  Even if you get yourself a personal trainer and go the gym regularly you’ll get a great body but unless you keep it up even those benefits will slip away from you in time.  Investing in a life coach is one sure-fire way of getting explosive and long-lasting benefits in your life.  But there’s something else that your life coach will encourage you to do that will give you a life-time of benefits.  It will make you feel great immediately, will always be something that will be there to encourage you and will spur you on to continually greater things.  Tony Blair said it all (shame he wasn’t able to deliver, but the sentiment alone won him a general election!)  Education, Education, Education!!

Nothing else comes close to a solid, value for money, long-term investment like education.  Even if all you're learning about is yourself. (For a brilliant way to do that you can't go far wrong by attending one of the FREE Christopher Howard Events weekend seminars I went to back in March - seriously mind-blowing stuff and beats washing the car or mowing the lawn for sheer entertainment and educational value.)  It may be a weekend course on Flower Arranging or it might be a Masters degree in Astrophysics – the costs in finance, time and effort will vary but education and training is always a priceless investment in yourself.  If I have only one piece of advice to anyone its to spend your outer resources on your inner resources and spend your life learning.  Learn about things that you love and that interest you and the things you know will benefit your long term prosperity and independence. 

Years ago I did a course in social work that I quit before I finished because I was finding it really difficult and decided it wasn’t where my true path was leading me, but the life-long learning I achieved far outweighed the short term disappointment of not getting a certificate.  Years later I found myself in a similar struggle with an employment law course but, although I hated every moment of it, I knew I needed it if I was to progress in the human resources career I had committed myself to.  This time, the pain paid off and I passed with more than flying colours.  I dug deep into myself and found the resources within me every time the going got really tough and the temptation to quit was intense.  As well as the career benefits I received through that hard work I can now look at that certificate and know I took on my study demons and won.  From that experience I learned that I can do anything I want if I put my mind to it.  I’ve never been a particularly clever person and was always the class “thickie” at school.  But over the years I’ve grown to love taking courses, especially on things that really interest me because more than anything they make me feel good.  They show me new worlds out there and fascinating new insights into my own self that I never knew were there. 

These days there’s little or no excuse for anyone as there’s learning everywhere.  Even if you can’t get to a class and want to study at your own pace at home you can get on-line and learn through your computer or a local internet café just about anything from conversational French to philosophy, from cookery to rocket science.  There are even free e-courses if you know where to look or use your favourite search engine.  You don’t have to do an OU degree to keep your mind busy and you can take e-learning just as far as you want. 

If you take a look at the Products - Courses page of my website www.felicitaslifecoach.com you’ll find a brilliant link there to Associated Training, a great e-learning website with a wide range of e-courses that will really help your career to take off, enhance your CV and give you even more leverage in the pay negotiating stakes, or just learn for the sheer fun of it.  The courses are all done on-line in your own time and are currently all at reduced prices which is even more reason to invest in yourself right now.  On-line training is a huge part of the education market now.  In fact, I've done my most recent professional training on-line through Newcastle College.  It was my first full professional qualification done at a virtual college and it was a really great experience and far more convenient than the CIPD qualification I took the conventional way by attending classes.  It was just as much hard work but the tutors were fantastic and I had excellent one-to-one attention by phone and e-mail.  The course is fully externally accreditted too which is unusual for a life coaching qualification. 

If there’s no-one else you can turn to in a crisis then you can at least look inwards and, regardless of what you probably feel at the time, that’s where your best answers are going to be. You will always be there for yourself so the more you invest in yourself, the stronger and more powerful you’ll be. 

Shelagh XX

Have you ever wondered how to get anything you ever wanted without becoming some kind of diva or tyrant?  Its not really that difficult and life coaching can really help.  Your life coach can teach you how to look for and get a win-win situation every time. But in the meantime, if you just want a few tips, try these: 

Getting a Payrise

You’ve been working your socks off for years and you know you deserve better.  One solution is to hit the jobs section of the local paper but you could lose as much as or more than you’d gain by moving.  The ideal situation is to negotiate a higher salary so that you feel more valued and stop relying on those nasty credit cards.  When you approach your boss, think confident and keep in mind that you’re worth what you’re asking for.  Have a realistic figure in your mind that won’t have your boss laughing you all the way back out into the corridor.  Keeping your body language open and confident but definitely not arrogant, use non-attacking language such as: “I’ve been working here for some time now and have always had excellent feedback on my performance.   Is there an opportunity for a pay rise” rather than: “Why haven’t I had more money?”  If the boss sits on the fence, you could try asking in a genuinely enquiring and non-confrontational manner, “What exactly do I need to do in order to get a payrise?” which puts the ball back in their court.  Whatever you do, don’t argue or answer back even if the boss is clearly wrong.  If you do get a flat “no” on the payrise, don’t give up right away but try asking for a bonus or extra holiday instead.  Remember, you want a win-win where the boss gets to keep an experienced and motivated worker and you get rewarded appropriately.  If all else fails, there’s always the job section of the local paper. 

Getting the Kids to go to Bed

I’m the first to admit that kids scare me.  Seriously!  They walk all over me.  But then, I don’t have any of my own and I can walk away but having been a baby-sitter plenty of times I know what its like trying to get the little blighters to bed at a reasonable hour.  I wish I’d known about this little bit of psychology back then and will bear it in mind for next time.  Before they get a chance to argue, make sure you are in control by getting in there first.  You can give the impression to the child that you’re putting them in control by saying: “what time would you like to go to bed?  7.45 or 8 o’clock?”  They feel that you’re treating them more like a grown-up and giving them a choice, when in fact you’re restricting their options to just one fifteen minute time-slot.  Be firm come 8pm though and if you want Super-Nanny’s phone number, I don’t have it.  Sorry.

Boosting Your Relationship

If your partner is doing something you really hate but they think is romantic and sensual, you don’t want to offend them or risk demeaning their self-esteem or confidence.  Rather than drawing attention to what you don’t want, focus instead on what you do want.  Instead of saying: “I hate that” or: “Don’t do that” use phrases like: “I really like it when you …” or: “This feels good, it would be nice if you did that instead”.  As all they want to do is please you so they’ll be more than happy to oblige.  Now, isn’t that nicer than pulling a yeuky face, pushing them away and telling them to bog off? 

Tackling the Doctor (and the Receptionist)

Next to kids, I find there’s nothing scarier than doctors’ receptionists.  Now, if you’re a doctor’s receptionist I do apologise and am sure you’re not the one I had before I moved last year.  The thing is that these poor souls have a rotten job.  They have grumpy overworked doctors to sort out and often aggressive and difficult patients to deal with every day, so is it any wonder they sound scary when every time the phone rings they must dread finding out what’s on the other end of the line.  Like in all situations where you want something, keep your manner gentle and to the point, no matter how obstructive or rude they get.  When you eventually get past the receptionist and talking to doctor, never be aggressive but be assertive.  Use their name (not their first name but Dr ….) as that will make them feel important and increase the chance of them wanting to help you.  If you don’t agree with them, instead of arguing: “no, I think you’re wrong”, try: “I feel a little uncomfortable about that.  Would there be a chance of a second opinion?” 

Service in Restaurants and Shops

Like me I bet you’re reluctant to complain in restaurants.  But you always get one who doesn’t mind and will scream and throw a tantrum if things aren’t exactly what they expect.  Let’s say your dinner is a bit on the underdone side.  It might help to call the waiter over and say “I don’t think this is properly cooked – can the chef check please” instead of a sarcastic comment like “this chicken is still clucking”.  Shops can be just as difficult.  But instead of grumbling at unhelpful assistants, say how upset you are at the service you’ve received and “is there anything you can do to help me”?  Come over all innocent and helpless so they’ll feel like the bad guy but in control and be more inclined to help.

Your life coach can help you with lots more techniques so that everyone gains and no-one loses.  The secret is in building rapport, always treating people with the utmost respect and maintaining firm but loving control of yourself and others. 

Shelagh XX

 

 

They say “success breeds success” and “money breeds money”.  There’s a lot of truth in those old sayings.  Have you noticed that when things aren’t going well in any area of your life, whether its health, money, relationships or work things start to go wrong in small ways and then somehow you find yourself on a downward spiral you just can’t pull yourself out of?

Yet other people seem to have it all and more!  Why is it that some people appear to be permanently happy and have everything going for them?  Even in difficult times they breeze through it all with apparent ease and come out smelling of roses.  How do they do it? 

Somewhere in the Bible there’s a passage along the lines of “those with much will have more given them and those with little will have even that taken away”.  That’s a difficult teaching to understand and I struggled with it myself for a long time but now it makes perfect sense to me.  And its brilliant!! 

Yesterday I was at home with my husband thinking to myself that my life for me right now is a little bit like living in the Garden of Eden.  I have a lovely (if modest) home, close loving family and friends I can rely on who give me all the affection and affirmation I could ever want, enough money to pay the bills, more than enough food to eat (unfortunately!), all my mental and physical faculties still with me – I may not be a millionaire yet but I don’t have a genuine care in the world.  And its getting better and better day by day.  But it wasn’t always like this.  There was a time when I had little or no money, no job, no relationship, family and friends were far away, my mental and physical health suffered and I found myself on a steep and rapid decline into what felt like social and spiritual oblivion. 

Then I read something that changed everything and started me thinking in a new way.  I went on to read more and discovered that to get more of something I want the first thing I had to do was to be grateful for what little I had.  I should be prepared to give away the little I had and not be attached to it (remember the old saying of if you let something go and it comes back to you then its yours?).  I shouldn’t worry about how my needs would be met because they just would be if I had trust and belief that they would.  If there was anything I wanted I should ask for it and if I truly believed, I would receive it.  Sound familiar?  I’d been brought up on this stuff all my life and yet somehow I hadn’t internalised it.  Its funny how a small shift in perspective can have such a big impact and all the pieces fall into place.  Suddenly everything was springing into life and things started to change for me on every level.

I realised too that the more you focus on worry, failure, anger, loss or negativity of any kind, just like success, love and money attract more of themselves, these too bring more of themselves into your life when you focus on them.  So, basically, its all about focus.  What you focus on, you get more of.  If you’re in the doldrums dwelling on your worries and lack of good stuff, you’ll get more of the worries and the lack.  But if you focus on the good stuff, and the easiest way to do that is to cultivate an “attitude of gratitude”, then you’ll get more of the good stuff in your life.  

If you have even just a little success, such as managing to catch the bus to work in the morning (something I was never any good at), why not think about that.  Focus your thoughts on it like a laser beam through gratitude and start to blot out of your mind all the times you failed and I can promise you more success will come your way.  If you practice this every day you’ll soon feel more successful and it will become easier to believe in your own success and ability to succeed further.  Sometimes, though, we have what seem to be failures but instead of focussing on the bleak side, look for the learning and the positives.  Can you turn it around so that you actually have a genuine success to focus on instead?  So, you missed the bus but you lost a few pounds walking to work!  That sort of thing.  You can apply the same principle to anything you like.  

Life coaching can really help you to do this.  Its someone else giving you another perspective on your life and the way things are for you right now and turning it into something that you really want. 

So, whatever it is you want – success, money, love, the more you perceive you have the more you will get.  

Keep the faith.

Shelagh XX

 

I really didn't think it was so easy to create a new habit or change an old one. 

One day about a month ago I had a visitor at work and was very embarassed to find that we had no tea bags or milk left in the kitchen so I couldn't offer her any kind of refreshment other than black instant coffee.   As she'd asked for white tea, when I returned to the meeting room with two black coffees I naturally told her that I wouldn't be offended if she didn't drink it, in fact, I couldn't stand coffee without milk either and probably wouldn't drink mine.  However, she seemed quite grateful and accepted it saying so long as it was wet and warm she didn't care what it was. 

That got me thinking about the fact that its supposed to take you 10 attempts at a new pattern of behaviour to make it into a habit or to get to like something you previously disliked - such as getting used to drinking tea without sugar when previously even the thought of unsweetened hot drinks was awful.  We had a brief discussion about this and I said I'd challenge myself to ten days of coffee without milk and see what happened.  After the ten days I'd go back to having my usual cappuccino or latte.  That first slurp was revolting and I managed about three sips, each with an even bigger grimmace than the last until I gave up and let it go cold.  But give me my due - I stuck to it for at least a fortnight.  After a few days I even got used to it and could drink it without pulling a face, although I couldn't honestly say that I actually liked it. 

I'm not sure exactly how long it took, that first black coffee was at least four weeks ago, but one day last week I decided I wanted a coffee with milk.  Mmmmmm ..... yummy, I thought.  No, not yummy.  It was horrible!  I just couldn't drink it.  Now when I think of my next coffee, I'm dreaming of a silky, dark, hot, potent, fragrant cup of heaven that stays good to the last drop and has absolute nothing added to it. 

Thinking about that some more, there have been other times in my life I've persisted with a behaviour and created a habit.  Some have been positive and some not so positive.  Psychologists tell us that a habit is as easy to break as it is to create, as in the case of the coffee.  So why don't we all do this to create better and healthier lives for ourselves?

Just think how we could all change our lives for the better if we all adopted this technique on a regular baiss?  What would it take to make us change our ways so that every area of our lives were enhanced and more prductive?

If I were to create a new habit today that would improve my life significantly, it would be to get up out of bed half an hour earlier than I currently do (that would make it 5.30am but I get to go to bed earlier to make up for it!) and do some stretches and exercise for 30 mins before having a shower.  Hey, I might even get to enjoy it if I asscociate it with something pleasant like listening to my favourite music on my MP3 player (don't want to wake hubby that early)!  OK, so that's what I'm going to work on for the next ten days and I'll keep you posted. 

They also say its the small things that mount up to make a big difference.  So I'm going to challenge you to make one small change this week to the way you live your life.

Shelagh xx

Disclaimer - the above blog in no way implies that I'm not still very partial to an Irish Coffee or three.

 

Have you ever heard people say “live for the moment”?  Many times we hear people say we should “make time to stop and smell the flowers” yet all too often we career through life following a tight schedule of work, kids, chores, sleep, work, kids, chores, sleep.  Even on holiday we dash from one place to another taking in all the sights and lurching from one event to another so that we come back exhausted and not at all with our batteries recharged.  Even if you go away and lie on a beach doing nothing for 14 days you probably dread coming back to the same old routine and have to do it all again.

Most of us – no ALL of us, no matter how good our life is (and mine’s absolutely brilliant, thank you!) still live for the future.  Yes, things are great now but it will be so much better when I’ve got this, done that, been there.  If your life sucks you may think you can be happy when you’ve got this, done that, been there. 

But one thing we all forget so many times is the here and now.   Something I’m training myself to do is to try not to think about the future to the point where I’m obsessed with it.  Yes, there are things I want to have, to do or places I want to see, and yes, they will enhance my life and I’m looking forward to having them.  But they are not my life.  My life is the here and now.  Perhaps the best present I can give myself is the present?  The past is gone and whether it was good or bad I can’t change it.  The future is yet to be created.  But the now is real and tangible.  I can reach out and touch it.  Here is where I can make choices, do things, think things, be things and take small or large actions that continue to transform my dreams into a new now and my new reality.  The future I dream of. 

It doesn’t take long, just a few minutes to take a deep breath and just look around.  At this moment I’ve got a small but lovely apartment that I share with my gorgeous husband, I’ve more objects around me than I could ever need, there’s a fridgeful of food in the kitchen, I’m in great health and I’ve come home from a reasonably well paid, full time, secure job with terrific colleagues.  Outside there’s a heavy Scots mist shrouding the trees and giving the village an eerie, haunted feeling.  What more could I want?  Well, quite a lot more in fact, but by focussing on what I’ve got rather than what I’ve not got and being happy with it, I’m not just dreaming my life away.  I’m appreciating every little thing and attracting more of it into my life.  Its like making a habit out of being happy and having good stuff – the more I practice it the better at it I get and the more of it I accumulate. 

OK, I could do without more of the fog AKA “Scots mist” but what I do want more of is the way it makes me feel and the thoughts it creates in my mind.  Those feelings and thoughts will lead me to a deeper inner peace and a clearer picture of where I’m really going with my life which in turn will take me to where my dreams are.  The new now and the new reality. 

Shelagh xx

This is annoying.  I want to write something because I have so much to say, but there's so much to say that I don't know where to start!! 

I think all the things I want to say are contained on a DVD I saw the other day called The Secret.  You may have seen it yourself or heard about it.  If you haven't seen it yet I really do recommend it.   There's tons of stuff about it on the internet and its easily available in the UK through various websites.  Its not expensive and could be the best investment you ever make.  I'm not kidding or exaggerating here, I really do mean that. 

Many people say the film changed their lives overnight after Oprah did a show about it.  Oprah herself is one of the millions who use the secret itself to enhance her life and her career.  I wish I'd had a copy of it two years ago which would have saved me endless hours of reading and learning it the hard way over several months.  When I did see it, the contents were no longer anything new to me, but it was a very good presentation of the facts so I did get a lot from it as well as enjoying it.  My husband watched it with me and I think a lot of the apparently crazy stuff I've been saying to him since we were courting finally sank in and he's actually using some of it himself now and noticing when I'm not. 

The Secret itself isn't really a secret any more - in fact it never was because the likes of Plato, Einstein, Churchill and many many others in history knew it well.  Its used by many of the wealthy and powerful throughout the world and as it gets more known to the likes of us plebs its creating a bit of a stir.  Many of us would like to see it creating a lot more of a stir, too. 

I know you're dying to know what the secret is but I'd spoil the film for you if I told you!   Honestly, just go and get the DVD.  I'm not on commission for this and am not affiliated to any organsiation to sell it or promote it.  As a friend, and potentially your life coach, I can't recommend this DVD and the principles it contains highly enough.  Over time I may start blogging about the stuff in it but I couldn't do the secret as much justice as the film does. 

Thank you for reading.  Have a wonderful and prosperous day.

Shelagh xx

Well, I'm on a roll now!

Do you realise what day it is today?  Its Ash Wednesday.  That means its the first day of Lent, a forty day period of the Christian calendar preceding Easter, or the rising of Christ from death. 

Traditionally, as you may know, Christians will try to "give something up" during Lent as a penance for their sins.  For me its always chocolate and alcohol but I can't say I'm always 100% successful in getting further than the second weekend before I have a Crunchie and a glass of Chardonnay.  We do this (or try to) because Christ fasted for 40 days and nights in the desert as preparation for his ministry and eventual death by crucifixion.  It tends to be seen as a time of austerity and sacrifice and I suppose that's one way of looking at it.  But its a bit of a gloomy outlook. 

As a Christian myself, I prefer to think of Lent as a wonderful time of anticipation of the great celebration of Easter and an opportu